A New Affliction

Pandemic! It threatens everyone. Most don't even know it, nor do they realize that while it is universal and potentially fatal, its progress can be slowed to a crawl with relative ease. This affliction, funicle degeneration or fuddy duddy syndrome, is most commonly called AGE and it desires to have us all. It nearly got me. But for the brave actions of a little boy, I might be in its relentless clutches at this very moment. I'd love to say I escaped, but I was actually rescued. It went like this...

Several months ago, sometime between Christmas and April Fool's Day, my son Wyatt reminded me that the 4th of July was right around the corner and that we needed to be thinking about getting fireworks. I remember the days when fireworks were a celebratory expression of American Independence. Those sparks and whistles, those flames and pops. I couldn't get enough. But now, fireworks are a celebratory expression of watching my paycheck go up in smoke.

Now Wyatt is at the "fireworks are awesome" stage in life and made sure I was reminded of it at every opportuntity. His incindiary promptings continued unabated and he made supplications at regular intervals that I should procure some fireworks as quickly as possible in preparation for the huge backyard Fourth of July celebration. I, of course, made every conceivable excuse for not having done so, such as, "I'm sure they are all sold out." and "We just can't afford it right now." and the ever popular and minimally effective, "I think I broke my legs." None of those worked and I found myself being assaulted on a minute-by-minute basis by a young boy just wanting to have some fun. But, having a full blown case of FD made it easy to deny his requests. The kicker came when he finally gave up with, "OK!" and walked away from me with his knuckles dragging the floor like a little toe headed neaderthal. I just couldn't take it. I grabbed my keys and the checkbook and we headed to the store late in the afternoon of July 4, 2007 to see what we could find, hoping there was still something left on the shelf. Of course, Wyatt came with me. We entered the store and wouldn't you know it, there were stacks of fireworks, all laughing at me, waiting to set my savings ablaze. The grip of FD does not loosen easily. But after about .000009438 seconds, he had made his selection and we were headed for home. The entire 15 minute trip I was treated to a personal reading of every word on the box, a couple of times. At least twice I felt the sting of pure joy slamming into my neck from the back seat as he fizzled with anticipation. By the time we got home he was ready to ignite. I'm just glad he didn't explode in the car. Dinner was pure torture and we were all certain the sun was never going to set. But eventually it did and we retreated to the back yard for 12 minutes and $29.97 of flaming fun.

My FD is cured and, fortunately, my son is still intact.

The Big Launch

Samuel and Mason spent the last couple of weeks creating this little gem in preparation for their next "Sacking of York". Also of note, when launching GI Joe's, bad guys fly farther than good guys.

And The Winner Is...

With summer underway it's an all out battle to ensure that the kids are doing more than wathcing TV and turning into little turnips. So we had an idea. A contest. Everyone can do it and it will be fun. So we decided upon a photo contest. The rules were simple.

1. All entries must be digital and original
2. They must be taken in or around the house
3. Mom and Dad would judge based on Originality, Composition, Color, Contrast and a few other criteria
4. 3rd place gets a kick in the pants, 2nd places gets a pat on the back, 1st place gets $5.

So we gave them a few days and access to any digital camera in the house. Many photos were entered and here are the winners...

Honorable Mention (by Samuel)

We liked the way the picture was split in half by the zipline in the backyard. He had to balance the camera next to the tree and hope he got a good picture.

3rd Place (by Mason)

We liked the composition and color. Nicely done

2nd Place (by Samuel)

Good use of light

1st Place (by Mason)

This one just had fairly good everything...Texture, Composition, Perspective...Our dog.

The Power of Boredom

One of the best parts of my week is Saturday morning. I like it because it usually offers the time tested staples of a leisurely weekend such as a big family breakfast, hot coffee brewing when I stumble out of my room, and a little personal time for everyone. However, Saturday morning usually starts on Friday evening so things can get a bit complicated in an effort to simplify.

It happens like this...on Friday evening everyone slowly makes their way into bed and the parents of the house head up to say evening prayers. Friday evening prayers are different because they ALWAYS end with a fatherly admonition that the child praying should include a prayer for a spirit of quietness the following morning to let the paternal unit sleep in lest his ire be raised to just below the ceiling followed by the child in question loosing a finger or other appendage. So Saturday mornings are usually quiet. But as every parent knows, quiet can mean trouble.

So it was that this morning, all was quiet. The sun was up, the air was cool and breakfast was finished. Given the beauty of this particular Georgia morning, I sent everyone outside for some fresh air and solid play. The first indication of trouble came when Samuel showed up in the kitchen and just kind of stood around looking sheepish. I queried, "Why aren't you outside?" His reply was unexpected, but not surprising. "I don't what to get in trouble when Mason and Wyatt get hurt." "Why would they get hurt?" "They're on the roof!", he said, not wanting to tell on them but not wanting to lie either.

A while later, after a little more too much quiet, I heard a loud conversation taking place in the garage and stole slowly to the door to ascertain what was being said. That's when I discovered that my children were being forced to take their imaginations to new heights to think up something to do since there was no TV, Playstation, or Computer actually operating in the back yard.

My discovery of their level of boredom came in the form of a sentence from Mason as each threw their ideas for fun into the proverbial hat. He said, "Let's practice scewdriver throwing!"

A Christmas to Remember

Christmas is a great holiday. Giving and getting, spending time with family, eating till you wanna pop, and ultimatly breaking something by days end. It's both hectic and fun. This year we decided to do something a bit different. We limited our gifts to the kids and sent a certified letter to Santa to do the same. On Christmas day, after the rush of early morning excitment had subsided a bit, we presented them with "final gift"...a group gift. Nothing special, just two small books. Tour books outlining the sights and highlights of Washington DC. Olivia was the first to catch on with, "Are we going to Washington DC?" at which the boys stopped and stared awaiting an answer. Indeed, we were going to DC. They freaked out and immediatly began pouring over the books to determine what they wanted to see. So for the rest of Christmas day, the kids talked and played, I worked to finish re-plumbing our bathroom and Tina packed us all up in anticipation of leaving town the next day.

The 26th arrived as scheduled and we loaded up bright and early to drive north. It was a 9-10 hour road trip but we arrived and checked into the lodging office at Bolling Air Force Base. The next 3 days were cram-packed with sights and tours and subway rides and miles of walking but each one had a great time getting their first taste of the history of America. We saw everything from The Wright Brothers Flyer to the Declaration of Independance. We saw Abraham Lincolns Top Hat and Ford's Theatre. We saw Kermit the Frog and the Hope Diamond. We visited the Lincoln, FDR, Jefferson, and Washington Monuments, the War Memorials for Viet Nam, Korea, and WWII. On our last day we visited Arlington National Cemetery, wathched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns, saw the grave of Audie Murphy and other significant figures in American history.

I could go on for hours about the details of what we did and where we went. But the purpose of the trip was to allow the kids to see the seat of our government and everything surrounding it. One thing we did was get each of them a small journal and made them take the time to write each night about the days events. On December 27th, our first day of actual touring, Wyatt summed up the events and feelings of the entire trip very concisely. Dec 27 - We went to the the Library of Congress. I saw most of the memorials in Washington DC. We are going to see the museums tomorrow. PS. I had a great day.

There's A Signpost Up Ahead...

Fear. That about describes it. Fear is a good word. Or maybe apprehension is a bit better. Then again terror might just be the best of all. At any rate, the experienced effect underquestion is like soaking yourself in gasoline and then standing there, holding a disposable lighter, and thinking about the sensation to come. Not a pretty picture.

Such is the emotional landscape I find myself surveying. Why, you ask? Because at this moment a young man stands before me bearing the bane of parents everywhere...his drivers permit. Our firstborn, our little man, the eldest of our brood wants to drive my car, and he has the blessing of the state of Georgia to do it. I don't think my heart, lungs, brain, or bowels can take this. How can he possibly be old enough to drive? Just yesterday we were bathing him in the kitchen sink! I am becoming convinced (and I'm mere moments into this thing) that teen driving is the primary cause of mid-life crisis. My hair is greying, my eyes are bagging, and my stomach is on the verge of purging at the thought of it all.

Woe unto me that I was ever born for such a day as this. Woe be unto my pocket book whence I must upgrade my auto insurance. Woe for I am undone at the thought of the first fruits of my loins hurling himself and others hither and yon at speeds approaching 15 MPH!

And so we embark on the next phase of parenting and childing. Next stop, girlfriends!

From the Mouths of Babes

Few things in life will make you feel older than a Birthday. Today is mine. I’m 41. But besides marking the beginning of another year of life, this kind of occasion is a great teaching opportunity. You can teach all kinds of things. For instance, advanced math is a good subject.

As we hung around the house, getting dinner ready and assisting the kids with their homework, I casually conversed with my youngest, Olivia. Tina, seizing upon this rare and exciting math teaching opportunity, said to Olivia, “Today, Daddy is 41. So when you’re 16 he’ll be…?” She immediately completed the sentence, “Dead!”